Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
