And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
