new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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