Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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