Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
