How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
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She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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