If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
