chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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