I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
