Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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