He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
