I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
