New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
