She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize