she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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