I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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