dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
