So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
