I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
