break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
