Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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