I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
