I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
