Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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