No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Randomize
