Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Randomize
