my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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