i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
