C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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