:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
