It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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