so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
