I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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