You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize