Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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