Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
