Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
