Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
