dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
