Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
