My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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