No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
