Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm both gender and math confused
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