my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
