just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
