my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
