the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
