He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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