I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
