We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
