Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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