My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
