loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
