I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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