oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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