matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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