I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize