I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
What a dumb baby whore.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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