if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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