my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
