Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
