You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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