Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
