He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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