There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
