he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
