if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
