Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
