I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
