I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
