So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
